Since I moved home from Korea, I have been struggling. Struggling pretty bad. I haven't opened up about it to a lot of people. But I feel the need to open up to my cyber friends, my blogging buddies. Maybe it's easier since I've never met you.
I have been lonely. Not just regular plain ole loneliness. But an aching loneliness that's deep in my heart. The other day while sitting in the parking lot of a grocery store, I just sat there and cried.
Don't get me wrong. I've been lonely before but never anything like this. I have friends, but I don't have many friends that I hang out with on a regular basis. I did before I left Korea, but for whatever reason I don't now as much. There are days when I come home from school and don't talk to anyone until the next morning at school again. I miss my friends from Korea. There was a camaraderie among us that I have never ever had before. I desperately miss my closest friend who is still in Korea. We loved to do the same things. We hung out at least once a week. It gave me something to look forward to every single week.
I miss that. I miss having someone who can make me laugh. I miss having someone in my life who understood what I was going through. I miss friendship.
It's hard. It's not like I'm in college any more and have a plethora of ways to meet people. Church singles groups are sometimes a little lame. Online dating doesn't entice me in the least. Going to bars or clubs is just not my thing.
Most people my age are married with kids. I'm 41 years old. Yes, I thought I'd be married with kids by now, but that hasn't happened.
And the holidays are rough for someone who is single but aches to have their own family. Actually, let's be real. Often the holidays are just plain torture.
I believe that God has a plan for my life and that He knows what's going on.
I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who struggles or has struggled with loneliness.
I know this hasn't been a "normal" post, but I felt like I was supposed to share it. Who knows why.
I'm trusting God. I don't understand it. But I'm trusting him.
I apologize for going outside the norm and opening up like that. Hopefully, you didn't mind too much.